Sunday, June 3, 2007

I have a confession...

So, Avery is almost 3 months old now and I've come to realize that I have no sentimental attachment at all to nursing her. I don't feel like we bond any more than I would with a bottle in one hand, and to be completely honest, I regularly feel like complaining about nursing. I have no desire to do it. I'm purely motivated to continue nursing for health, cost and guilt.

When Avery was born, I feel like I had two major transitions to make before I started to enjoy being a new mom again--first, the adjustment from just having a 5 year old who's pretty independent to sleepless nights, crying, walking the house constantly, sleepless nights...oh wait. But then, when I started getting used to all that, my role in ordinary life returned, so it was back to getting up early to take Sid to school, lunch duty, field trips etc., but now with a baby in tow. And nursing in public became one more anxiety ridden event. It took everything in me not to complain, particularly because I didn't have anyone to complain to. And I still felt tired, old, and out of my routine.

At least that's how I felt until today. I realized that being a mom is sometimes tough. Really tough. We're constantly on the go, often toughing out long nights with baby only to tough out long days as well. Throw in a toddler and we're running ourselves into the ground trying to keep up. We lose touch with friends, especially those single ones who just don't relate anymore. We are excited if we get a shower in every day of the week. Laundry. Ironing. Getting dinner on the table every night. We are just really darn busy!

And then, there's nursing. The only time out of the day that mom HAS to sit down somewhere comfortable and do nothing else but hold your baby. The only time of the day where the moment is all yours, while you are still being completely unselfish in the most beautiful way. I realized that in the last 2 1/2 months, I've done more leisure reading than I've done in the last 6 years of my marriage. I've mastered the art of holding my baby and holding a book at least 8 times a day, for at least 20 minutes at a time. And what was once simply another task on my constantly evolving list of things to do has now become my mandatory break time. I can sit and stare off into space, I can read a magazine, heck, I can even catch up with one of those friends I haven't talked to in a while. And all the while, my baby feels comfort from being closely held by me and not one other person in the world can take those moments from me.

1 comment:

Stacey said...

Umm, you can call me or email me anytime you want about these complaints. I know, sometimes you just need to vent. I support nursing and all, but I didn't enjoy it. Although, I too like the quiet time with baby...